All I want for Christmas is… a nap! This has been the busiest, most hectic holiday season I’ve ever experienced! Coincidentally, I was actually on vacation all week, but my yuletide responsibilities more than made up for my usual work schedule. I think I mentioned earlier how my family can be exhausting, right? Well this Christmas was no exception, but we had a lot of fun. Let’s see…some notable highlights would include my uncle Jeff describing to my Dad and step-mom, in great detail, the kinds of pictures that could be found on my Facebook profile. More specifically, this one, this one, and this one. This is the same uncle who once gave out INACTIVATED gifts cards to all his friends as Christmas gifts… and when they all asked him how much money was on them, he said “Just spend it until you can’t spend it anymore.” This, my friends, is why you cannot accept friend requests from your family. Luckily, all my really embarrassing party photos aren’t on Facebook.

Also amusing was my forced participation in the Secret Santa gift exchange. See, in my family, all the adults bring a present appropriate for their gender. So the men bring a gift labelled “Man” and the women bring a gift labelled “Woman”, and everyone exchanges randomly therein. Because I have the greatest grandma in the world, I usually still fall into that grey category between children and adults and that means I don’t have to bring a present. However, my Dad somehow ended up with his own present and insisted that I take it. You can imagine why I would be leery about accepting a package labeled “Man”, as there are very slim chances of me getting anything I could actually use. You just know that if you’re a male you’re going to end up with tools or a gift card to Lowe’s, neither of which will make me prettier or more fragrant in any way. While ripping open the gift I declared out loud “If this is a wrench set I’m going to kill myself.” Be ye not so afraid…it turned out to be a socket set instead.

Chris made lots of goodies for me to bring to my family for Christmas, and both they and I were touched by the gesture. No, my family still hasn’t shown an interest for joint celebration, which is disappointing…but if their reaction to his homemade fudge, peanut brittle and sausage balls are any inclination of their future acceptance of his man parts, we’ll be across that bridge soon enough. You all know I don’t do the cooking thing, but I’d secretly hoped to take credit for at least one of the dishes as my own. Consider my dreams squashed as I arrived with armfuls of treats and my entire family bowled over with laughter at the thought of me making them myself. Martha would be so disappointed.

My mom loves pictures. Every year we always have to pose for an inordinate amount of photos, all of which are the exact same with additions and subtractions of generations each time. “First, let’s get all the children and grandchildren… okay, next, let’s have everyone who is old enough to remember Hee Haw, in order by birthdate!” I’m sure you’re wondering what her solution is for storing all these individual treasures. It’s simple, really. She wants every single one of them blown up as an 8×10. It is an absolute nightmare. Mama and her camera are more damaging to one’s holiday spirit than a DUI on the way back from a Christmas Eve beer run.

Speaking of pictures, there was one very high point in this week’s festivities. Chris’ sister Kim invited me to take family portraits with them and her daughters. I was so honored to be included! Kim has treated me like her brother in law since the day I met her, and it’s such a relief to have family that accepts you no matter what. There were lots of giggles and smiles, and the portraits we took will always mean so much to me. I am not very comfortable in front of a camera, of course, but I had more fun with them that day than I’ve ever had with a photographer, and that includes that week I spent modeling for Playgirl. I will post pictures soon. Of the family, not of Playgirl. I’m saving that for Valentine’s Day.